The Pittie Poem

I saw this poem and being a Pit bull owner I HAD to share. Anyone that knows my dog, knows he is the sweetest friendliest dog you will ever meet. We saved him from the pound when he was 11 months old and i couldnt ask for a better dog. I get extremely offended when people sterotype him because he is unlike any dog you'll ever meet.

"Please don't believe what you hear

They have made me a poster dog and instilled this fear.

I may be big and I may be strong

But I have done NOTHING wrong.

A vicious cycle, I wish I were never born.

Into the hands of a monster, now my heart's been torn.

They threw me in the pit, I could hear the people cheer.

Blood on the walls, no fight in me....Just fear.

I am of no value now, they tossed me aside.

As I lay bleeding, I have no place to hide.

And now I am taken to a grey, scary place.

I am cut and wounded from my tail to my face.

Here I lay alone, on this cold cement floor.

Waiting for my chance, to get out the door.

I only have a day or two before I am put to death.

A day or two more till I breathe my last breath.

But I haven't had the chance to show you..... I'm a good boy.

I never had a treat, I never had a toy.

I am a Pit Bull, It doesn't mean that I will bite.

It doesn't mean I am a devil, it doesn't mean I want to fight.

Look into my eyes once as you pass me by.

Can you really see a killer?....Come on, don't lie.

You know you see something, a soulful sadness in my eye.

Please take me out of here.

Please......Don't let me die."

 

I know there are bad dogs out there but i think any beerd of dog has the potential. I have been bit by a Chow and my brother was bit by a German Shepard....Go figure...never by a pit.

I believe its all on how you raise them and usually its NOT the case of a bad dog, but a bad owner.

How can anyone resist those sweet puppy dog eyes...............
..........???

Finally some good news ;-)

The surgery was last Wednesday and everything went really well. I was actually really impressed with MUSC. I know it’s the biggest/best hospital around but I also work there so I know things don’t always happen super quickly. I arrived at 5:35 and about 10-15mins later they already had me in registration. 10 mins after that the nurse came and took me back to the holding room where they keep the patients before surgery. By 7am they had me changed and the IV in and I was ready to roll into surgery. It all happened really fast and there was no waiting around time for me to get nervous. Jason said the procedure only took 30mins and I was in the Recovery room. Of course when I woke up I didn’t feel good at all. Anesthesia makes you nauseous and I was defiantly feeling it. Jason went to fill my prescriptions which we did at the hospital’s pharmacy and ended up paying only $21 for the 4 different prescriptions they gave me!!! The car ride home was rough but when I got home I ate a little, took every type of medication they gave me and went in the room to sleep. I was out for about 4 hours and when I woke up I felt fine and have ever since. I was really pleased with how everything went.

After a wonderful Christmas vacation, it was back to work Monday.

I am technically supposed to be on light duty because I have stitches in and they don’t want me doing anything to strenuous. Anyone that works in x-ray or at a hospital for that matter knows that light duty is a tall order. There are just too many things to do and too little people to do them. I was pushing the portable machine down the hall (which I’m probably not supposed to be doing, but its self propelled so it’s not like it’s heavy) and who do I see???? My GYN Oncologist!! She said ‘hi’ and then stopped to talk. I really thought she was going to fuss at me for being back at work already and pushing the machine but she said that she had needed to call me anyway because the pathology report had come back already on my biopsies. I just had the procedure done on Wednesday so I was really surprised it was back already! She said she had good news and back news…. The good news was that they took a large piece of my cervix and the margins came back negative which mean they got it all!!!! The only bad news was in the piece they took there was a small amount of Cancer in it as well. I wasn’t really sure how to take this but she said it was good and that I don’t have to have the hysterectomy right now. I still need to have it eventually but since they got everything out I can wait and try to have a baby first!!!! There is still a chance it can come back or be in my uterus. Once I have the hysterectomy that will all be taken care of, but until then they will just continue to watch me!!! I am soooo excited!!! I come off Depo in February and I will be healed from this last procedure by then!!! Chances are if I do get pregnant I may have to have a C-section but im ok with that. I am going to talk to my Doctor and see If they do a C-section if they can do the hysterectomy at the same time because I’m gonna be one and done. No more after that. So thank you to everyone wishing me well and keeping me in your thoughts!

Well I go in next Wed. the 23rd to have my 'surgery', I wasn’t too nervous till my pre-op appointment yesterday. It's just nerve racking knowing that your going to be put to sleep with a tube stuck down your throat and possibly a catheter in.....ugh!

The last biopsy they took wasn’t scar tissue like they had hoped so the oncologist is a little worried that she can visibly see the bad cells. I am still hoping to try for a baby after this but it really all depends on how the results of this come back. They could get in there and it is a lot worse then what they thought. Hopefully it will be a quick and easy procedure because Christmas is TWO days later!!! I’m crazy for doing it then but it was the only days I could get off!!

I’m still optimistic and whatever happens happens. It's in God's hands and I trust his judgment.....still wish me luck ;-)

Surprise

Surprise! I have completely changed my mind again. I was at Taylor’s soccer game yesterday talking to Jason and my mom about everything that’s going on and after talking with them I have decided I want to try to have another baby. Both my mom and Jason are SOOOOOOOO very supportive of me and they agree with whatever I decide to do. I feel like if I don’t TRY I will regret it forever. This new decision doesn’t mean for sure I'm going to be able to have another baby but if I have the choice that’s what I want and then I will have the hysterectomy immediately after.


First I have to get the results back from the biopsy I had done the other day. That’s probably the biggest thing I’m waiting on right now. If it doesn’t come back as cancer then I think I'm going to skip the Cone since it increases my chances of having a preterm delivery so much. I took my last shot of Depo in November so it won’t be till February that I’m off of that.

I already decided I would not be taking the Depo anymore anyway. I’m really excited to get off of it. I have been on it since I had Taylor and in January that will be 10 years!!!! I can’t believe my baby is so big!!! But the bonus is she will be a HUGE help with a new baby.

I think we will set a time limit on how long to try for. Like I said before they don’t want me to wait any longer than 5 years to have the hysterectomy. I think once I come off the Depo in Feb we will try for exactly one year. If nothing happens in that year then I will have the hysterectomy done. From what they tell me this isn’t something I want to wait around on and I still have to talk to them and tell them this is what I want to do...we'll see...

I feel like I have to try and then if it doesn’t happen then that’s God's way of taking it out of my hands. I have been on the fence about this for so long I’m really excited that a decision will be made one way or another.

I feel like he knows what’s best for me so I fully accept whatever that is.

These are a lot of if's.....if the biopsies come back ok.....if I am even able to get pregnant... if its cancer....if if if.....

So I can decide on something today and then have to change it tomorrow.....

Either way I’m ready for whatever comes my way ;-)

Decisions

I had my first appointment with my gyn oncologist yesterday at the Hollings Cancer Center at MUSC. My regular OB sent me there because of the results of my last LEEP.

I was really nervous before i went because i didn't know if i would get any new information or if we would just be going over the same things i have already been told.

My wonderful husband knew i was nervous and came to meet me for my appointment. i told him he didn't need to come but he insisted. He wanted to hear everything they were telling me so i didn't have to come home and try to summarize.

Basically i didn't get any new information. She just told me that the LEEP results had come back not so good so they want to do another one called a Cone LEEP where they take a bigger piece of cervix from the inside instead of the outside. It's very similar to the last procedure i had done except they will do this one in the OR. I already knew they were wanting to do this so no surprise there. When they do this they are hoping to get all the bad cells out and have negative margins but if they don't then they have to be more aggressive. She took a look to see how i had healed from the last procedure and right then and there decided to do a biopsy. That was a little unexpected and hurt but she said she saw a spot that didn't look so good but thought it was just scare tissue from the last procedure. Since i was under the research study the last time she doesn't have access to the piece they took so she cant have it tested herself. She had not planned on doing the biopsy but now she will have something she can test. If it comes back like it has been they will do the Cone. If it comes back as cancer they want me to have a hysterectomy. That's a scary word for a 26 year old but my regular OB had already told me this.

I'm not upset i might have cancer and might need a hysterectomy, I'm upset that this will mean no more kids. I wont have a choice. I could postpone the hysterectomy and try to get pregnant but as soon as i had a baby they would want me to get the hysterectomy done. They don't really advise this. With me having two LEEP's done my chances of having a preterm baby have greatly increased. Jason and I have still not really decided if we want more kids or not. With his 2 and my 1, when they are all together its alot. I'm kinda on the fence about this one. Of course i want a child with my husband but I'm not sure if either one of us is ready to start all over again. And now with all this cancer talk going on i HAVE to make a decision. Even if the biopsies don't come back as cancer they want me to eventually have the hysterectomy done. They feel the cells are bad enough that it is progressing that way and the best thing to do is take everything out so we don't have to worry about it. They don't want me to wait 20 years to do it. They want me to wait a max of 5 and if i have a child before then to do it as soon as i have a baby. This puts a lot of pressure on me. I have decided that if it comes back as cancer i will just have the hysterectomy done and skip they Cone (this is also what they want me to do) if it doesn't come back as cancer i still have to have the Cone and then we see from there. The Cone results could come back bad since it will give them a much bigger area to test and i could still have to have the hysterectomy. Either way i have to have the hysterectomy i just have to decide when. Do it now and not worry about cancer or try to have a baby and hope it doesn't progress into severe cancer while I'm waiting because basically that's what my cells are turning to.......These are HUGE decisions.......

Lets see, lots of things have been going on
It's been almost a month. Last time i wrote i was excited about going to the fair. Taylor LOVED it. She did her little dance on stage with her dance group and then afterwards we went to ride rides. We weren't planning on it but me and Jason got our hands stamped too so we could ride with her. I used to ride the rides all the time. This time i had just had half of an elephant ear and some of Jason's cinnamon roll...they were ohhhh sooooo yummy but not something you should eat before you get on a ride. The first one i got on wasn't so bad but shook me up a lil. The next one turned me green!! Jason and Taylor were making fun of me and Taylor wouldn't even sit next to me on the rides cause she said she didn't want to get puked on!!! lol!! i managed to hold it in but i had to regress back to the lamer rides!! it was still fun! and i know Taylor had a blast. All in all she spent like 5 hours at the fair...we were so tuckered out by the time we got home!!!

Halloween was also fun. We just went to a friends house and then to a bar. Jason's Charlie Brown outfit was cracking our friends up (its an inside joke) and i glad it came out so well.
November has flown by!!! i cant believe its almost over already!!!
Unfortunately i got some bad news on the LEEP i had done a couple months ago. The results came back alarmingly bad and so they are going to have to repeat the procedure in hopes of getting all the bad cells out. If that doesn't work they are going to talk to me about my other options but right now things aren't lookin good. I am very optimistic and have not let the news affect me too much. Whatever happens happens and I'm not going to stress over it. just keep me in your thoughts this month ;-)
We got the kids again this past week for thanksgiving, which was soooo nice!! We miss them sooo much and love every minute we get to spend with them!! It was so wonderful spending thanksgiving at my grandparents. They are usually sad over the holidays because their sons aren't here. I think this year we finally had a thanksgiving like we used to have, with the house full of kids!!! I ate entirely too much and loved every bite. My brother fried a turkey and my husband pretty much devoured it!!! Family time is my FAVORITE time!!!

We also went to see New Moon on its opening weekend....LOVED IT. Jason hated it because it was such a sappy love movie but i enjoyed it. I didn't like the first twilight because of how it was directed and how much it differed from the book. This time the got it dead on!!! Thankfully Robert and Kristen are getting better at their craft ;-) Oh and Jacob...hmmmmm I cant wait to see the next one!!!

Oh and i chopped my hair off this past weekend. I have been meaning to do it since the wedding but have been waiting on the weather to stay cold since my hair is so frizzy
All in all i chopped 5 INCHES off the back!!! I LOVE IT!!! it feels so good and even my brother told me how good it looks!! i know if HE is giving me a complement it must be good!!! Ill post pics of that soon but i don't have any yet.
Here are the pics i promised of my flowers and some other misc......enjoy and

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Me and my mini!!

The oh so amazingly beautiful flowers my hubby got me


My smiling pup with the poo head pup


My little girl has graduates to the big rides that mommy cant handle anymore ;-)


Charlie Brown and Lucy... (incert music here)


My little vampire ;-)

Freaky Friday!!!!

It’s Finally Freaking Friday!!!!
I’m so happy!! Tonight we are going to the Fair to watch Taylor do her dance thing on stage!! I am so excited for her!! She says she’s not nervous but I’m sure once she gets up there she will be!!! She is missing a soccer game to go : ( but we had to pick one or the other. So far her soccer team is undefeated (knock on wood) and we have another game tomorrow morning anyway, so I don’t think missing one game is too bad, esp when some people don’t bother brining their kids to practice all week and just show up for games. (but that’s another rant)
I’m super excited about going to the fair. One, to see Taylor dance, but Two, I LOVE THE FAIR!!! To me it signals the real weather change. The weather has just been teasing us up until this point!! I hate cold weather, but I love all the things that come with the cold… Like Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas!!! That’s all family time to me and NOTHING is more important to me than my family!
But back to the fair…..I’m excited about walking around and seeing all the exhibits and eating all the food…mmmmmmm….fair food!! We are going to let Taylor ride rides after her performance and then I think my mom will take her home so me and Jason can have some time by ourselves…it’ll be like a date!!!
OHHHHHHH…..I almost forgot!!! I should be getting my car back today or tomorrow!!! I have been without my car for probably a year and a half!!! Long story. But I talked to the guy yesterday and if it wasn’t for running out of work today to get to the fair on time to see Taylor dance I could probably get it today!!! OMG you have NO idea how good it’s going to be to finally have that thing back!!! Me and Jason have been car pooling for the last year and a half! It works great and saves us gas, but right now I can change my hours at work and come in a little earlier and leave a little earlier if I had a car to get me there!!! It’s only 30 mins earlier but I could do soooooo much with that!!! I can actually get off and go to the gym!!! Ill be able to get Taylor to soccer practice (right now I am depending on my mom and we just meet them there) I can go hang out with friends whenever I want and not have to worry about whether Jason already has something to do!!! Oh the possibilities!!!!
Taylor is really excited about Halloween, she’s going to be a vampire. The time of princesses and fairies has past. I talked to Isabella the other night and she is going to be some chick from NCIS!!! What a nut that kid is!!! What 7 year old bypasses all the crazy costumes they have these days to be a character from NCIS!!! She’s going to grow up to be an actress someday I swear!!! I wish they were here with us so we could take them trick or treating with Taylor : ( I miss them so much. I can’t wait till they can move back closer again.
Not really sure yet what me and Jason will be getting into. There has been some talk but nothing set in stone yet. I’m really excited about our costumes and will post pics later.
Hope everyone has a happy/scary Halloween!!!
Trick or Treat!!!