Decisions

I had my first appointment with my gyn oncologist yesterday at the Hollings Cancer Center at MUSC. My regular OB sent me there because of the results of my last LEEP.

I was really nervous before i went because i didn't know if i would get any new information or if we would just be going over the same things i have already been told.

My wonderful husband knew i was nervous and came to meet me for my appointment. i told him he didn't need to come but he insisted. He wanted to hear everything they were telling me so i didn't have to come home and try to summarize.

Basically i didn't get any new information. She just told me that the LEEP results had come back not so good so they want to do another one called a Cone LEEP where they take a bigger piece of cervix from the inside instead of the outside. It's very similar to the last procedure i had done except they will do this one in the OR. I already knew they were wanting to do this so no surprise there. When they do this they are hoping to get all the bad cells out and have negative margins but if they don't then they have to be more aggressive. She took a look to see how i had healed from the last procedure and right then and there decided to do a biopsy. That was a little unexpected and hurt but she said she saw a spot that didn't look so good but thought it was just scare tissue from the last procedure. Since i was under the research study the last time she doesn't have access to the piece they took so she cant have it tested herself. She had not planned on doing the biopsy but now she will have something she can test. If it comes back like it has been they will do the Cone. If it comes back as cancer they want me to have a hysterectomy. That's a scary word for a 26 year old but my regular OB had already told me this.

I'm not upset i might have cancer and might need a hysterectomy, I'm upset that this will mean no more kids. I wont have a choice. I could postpone the hysterectomy and try to get pregnant but as soon as i had a baby they would want me to get the hysterectomy done. They don't really advise this. With me having two LEEP's done my chances of having a preterm baby have greatly increased. Jason and I have still not really decided if we want more kids or not. With his 2 and my 1, when they are all together its alot. I'm kinda on the fence about this one. Of course i want a child with my husband but I'm not sure if either one of us is ready to start all over again. And now with all this cancer talk going on i HAVE to make a decision. Even if the biopsies don't come back as cancer they want me to eventually have the hysterectomy done. They feel the cells are bad enough that it is progressing that way and the best thing to do is take everything out so we don't have to worry about it. They don't want me to wait 20 years to do it. They want me to wait a max of 5 and if i have a child before then to do it as soon as i have a baby. This puts a lot of pressure on me. I have decided that if it comes back as cancer i will just have the hysterectomy done and skip they Cone (this is also what they want me to do) if it doesn't come back as cancer i still have to have the Cone and then we see from there. The Cone results could come back bad since it will give them a much bigger area to test and i could still have to have the hysterectomy. Either way i have to have the hysterectomy i just have to decide when. Do it now and not worry about cancer or try to have a baby and hope it doesn't progress into severe cancer while I'm waiting because basically that's what my cells are turning to.......These are HUGE decisions.......