Lesson Siete

First let me say thank you to the ones or one (lol) that follows this and is supportive of my writing!! It means a lot to me! I am very insecure about it and your positive words encourage me to continue sharing my journey with you!


This last dare was a little difficult for me. I was a little confused as to what my actual assignment was. After thinking about for a day or two and re-reading the chapter, which I often do anyway to make sure I'm getting the message, I have come up with this:

Part 1- Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation
I am still having trouble controlling my reaction to certain circumstances. I have such a hard time holding my tongue! This morning I was offended because Jason my criticizing my driving! JASON who has me grabbing the "oh shit" handle at least once a day when he drives!!! I was kinda angry about it. I'm sad to say i couldn't help myself from making one small comment, however, for the most part i was able to hide most of my irritation. I didn't get out of the car and start texting him all kinds of mean things, so I'm pretty proud of myself. I had to keep telling myself, let it go, its not worth the fight. And i did, I got out the car and made him give me a kiss, instead of getting out of the car and not even telling him goodbye. Now that I'm at work, i feel so much better about it and I'm glad i was able to let it go!!

Part 2- Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule.
It didn't take me long to come up with this list.
The first place i need to add margin is in my school work. I am such a procrastinator! I wait till the last min to do all my assignments and tests. This can be very stressful when the deadline is fast approaching and I'm not done with the homework or am not completely sure what I'm supposed to do in the first place. I have a wedding coming up in TWO months! This semester's work goes all the way up until the day of the wedding. That sounds crazy but ALL of the assignments are already open. Which means i can do ALL of them today if i wanted and not have to worry about them anymore.
Have I? Of course not!
That's not what procrastinator's do! I will work harder on getting this done so i am not a mad woman up until the wedding.

Other places i could add margin are at the gym. Its a great stress reliever. Also i would like to make more time for just me and Jason. We are always together but its not usually quality time. Its hanging with the kids, or friends, or watching TV (which is NOT considered quality time)

Part 3- List any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Hmmmmm. I'm not sure about this one. I would like to thing i don't have any wrong motivations.
Selfishness is a wrong motivation, and while I'm selfish, most of the things i do are not out of selfishness (or at least i don't think.)
I wouldn't consider going to the gym selfish even though i do do it for myself. To look better, to feel better, and to be healthy.
We started dance class. That was a little selfish i guess because it was something i REALLY wanted to do, however, part of the motivation was also to bring me and Jason closer together.
Ill have to think about this one a little more and come back to it.

Lesson 7:
Love believes the best

The Dare:
For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place of another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

This sounds interesting!

Its been awhile but here's Lesson 6

Sorry its been so long since i have written. I have been crazy busy! With the wedding coming up in only 2 more months and tons of school work I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few weeks!!!

Anyway, back to my last dare.
It was easy, just ask him what three things I do that pisses him off basically.
It took him a min to come up with the answer, which made me happy that whatever my issues were they weren't sitting on the tip of his tongue, ready and waiting to explode from his mouth.
The first one made me smile a little. He said it really bugs him when i leave the toilet seat up. Your probably thinking "what the heck???" lol, but he didn't mean the actual seat, he meant just the lid. When I go to the bathroom, he always has the lid down so the dog will not drink out of the toilet. So i have to up the lid to go. This doesn't bug me but i ALWAYS ALWAYS forget to put the thing back down. At one point in time this pissed him off so much that he decided since i couldn't put the lid down, he couldn't put the seat down! OH it really irritated me to have to put the seat down before i could go to the bathroom, so for awhile, i made a little more of an effort to put the lid down afterwards. After awhile i started to forget again. I can now understand why this might make him a little irritated.
The next thing he said irritated him was the fact that I'm so nosey. I'm not nosey a little, I'm nosey A LOT! I always want to know who he's texting, or who he's talking to. This might not sound too bad, until you understand the extent of my nosiness. Its not just with Jason, its with everyone! I don't care is its my mother, brother, or grandmother! If they are doing something or talking to someone and i don't know who or what its about, I'm gonna ask. Most people probably think, "so what," but when it happens 24/7, i could understand where it would probably get annoying after awhile. I have made efforts to cool it a little. But every time he is on the phone and i don't know who it is, i just cant help myself sometimes!! I just wanna know soooo bad!! Not because I don't trust him and i think he's talking to someone he shouldn't. I know better than that! I just want to know whats going on. Like I'm afraid to be out of the loop.
The last thing he said was that I'm smug when I'm right. He didn't say it just like that, we were talking about something and yet again (;-o) I was right, So i was smiling real big and he pointed at me and said "that right there!" I knew exactly what he was talking about because he cant stand it when i say "i told you so." even when it only comes out as a smug smile because i knew i was right. Again, i can see where this might get annoying.
I cant change overnight. But this lesson has made me see that i need to make more of an effort to change some of my less finer qualities.


Lesson 6:
Love is not irritable (ha!)

The Dare:
Choose today to react to though circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

WOW! This one sounds pretty intense!!

Lesson 5

My dare yesterday was to call Jason sometime while I was at work and ask him if he was OK and if he needed anything. This was a really easy one. I called and even though he was still sick he said he was fine and didn't need anything (i had gotten him meds for the last dare). On the way home we started to squabble a little bit, but it was a lot easier to keep it under control and not let it get blown out of proportion! This is a step in the right direction!!! I feel like we are becoming friends again instead of two people that happen to live in the same house and that happen to be getting married! I think this book is great for all couples, married or not!!

Lesson 5:
Love is not rude

The Dare:
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do this without attacking them or justifying your behavior.

This is another one Jason will probably enjoy. He gets to tell me whats wrong with me and I cant even argue with him about it!!! He'll be in heaven!! lol too bad this book doesn't let me do the same thing to him!!
I'm hoping Jason will choose to read this book also, but I'm going to let it be his choice, I'm not going to make him.
So far the changes that I have made have greatly impacted our relationship and we are only on lesson 5!! I cant wait to see what the rest of the book holds!!!

Lesson 4

I have only been reading this book for a short time but I want to comment on how much it is helping. I notice myself constantly changing the negative things i am thinking and have them come out in a more positive way. Jason has noticed too!!! I am so happy I got this book and since starting it, I have also noticed that I am more positive in everyday life as well! Its a great feeling and I'm so glad i get to continue this journey!!!

My last dare was to not be selfish. The chapter teachers that we are all taught from childhood to be selfish and look out for ourselves. I was happy to realize that while I have my selfish moments, I am also a very giving person and I give for the joy of it, not to receive!
Yesterday Jason was very sick, so I took time from work to go to the store and get him some meds and chicken noodle soup. I really wanted to make the soup for him, but since I was without a car for the day, and Jason is impatient when it comes to his food, I just got him the canned stuff instead. I didn't go out and spend a bunch of money, I just got something that would show him that I was thinking of him and I hope he gets better. Of course he didn't eat it, but I didn't stress over it. He appreciated it and it was the thought that counted.

Lesson 4:
Love is thoughtful

The Dare:
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

I really like this one and I cant wait to call Jason. I know this will put a smile on his face!!!! I realize that most of these dares are things I should be doing in the first place. We both did them when we started courting each other so why dont we do them now? I dont know the answer to that, but i plan on changing that!!

Love Dare # 3

My last dare was to continue to say nothing negative and to be kind. I really had no idea what to do, so Friday night while Jason was on his way back from getting the kids I told him to let me know when he was almost home. When he asked why I told him because I was going to have something ready for him. Since he can read me like a book, it didn't take him long to figure out I was trying to have his dinner ready and on the table for him as soon as he walked in the door. He text me and let me know that he and the kids had already stopped for dinner, (When Jason his hungry, he's HUNGRY!!!) but said thank you anyway. So that plan was foiled!
This made me relate to the movie that goes with the book. There were a few times during it when the main character, Kurt Cameron, was trying to do something kind for his wife, like make her coffee, and she didn't have time for it. But I tried to remember that this never stopped him and he kept trying.
The night before some friends of ours mentioned they were going to be having people over that night. Jason insisted that he would stay home with the kids so that I could go.
I tried to talk him into just leaving the oldest one in charge and both of us go but he wasn't having it (j/k)
Since dinner did not work out the way I planned I told him he should go. I was able to convince him that my throat hurt (which it did) and that spending the night drinking and talking was not going to make me feel any better (which it wouldn't) I didn't tell him that I did really want to go, because I didn't want to make him feel bad and I really really wanted to be able to complete this dare. So he went with my brother to our friends and I stayed home with the kids and was passed out about 15 mins after I put them in bed. Mission accomplished!!!!
The next morning Jason went out to get his hair cut and when he came home he had a big bouquet of roses!!! I wanted to cry, it was so sweet and unexpected at 9 o'clock in the morning, while I was still on the couch in my pj's!!! Come to find out he had also gotten my mom flowers for Valentines day and left them on her porch because she wasn't home when he went to give them to her!! That's when my heart melted!! He totally didn't have to do that for my mom! Heck usually I'M the one that gets her the flowers out of my family!!! The funny part was when she came over to watch the kids later that night, so me and Jason could go on our date, she tried to thank me for them! I told her I had nothing to do with them, so Isabella took all the credit and said they were HER idea!!! Too cute coming from a 6 year old! Poor Jason, he let her take all the glory!
We ended up going downtown to eat at Toast. Jason was disappointed because when we looked at their menu online, it said they had jerk chicken. When we got there, guess what, no jerk chicken on the menu. This is where the night started to go downhill.
*(Pause)* Let me say; I write about this because this is not a place for me to only highlight the good part of our relationship. The book gives you pages after every chapter to write your thoughts and feelings. It's easier for me to write it here than in the book. Our relationship is NOT perfect. Nor is anyone elses. And anyone who claims any different is lying to themselves and to everyone else. I am not here to paint the picture perfect life. I write about my life so I can look back later and see where I made my mistakes and also to see what worked. Both Jason and I have a lot of things we need to work on and the way the rest of the night went is a perfect example of that.
Since there was no jerk chicken Jason was a little upset, and at first didn't even want to eat. I pointed out some of the things on the menu he would like and when the server came, he pretty much made up his own entree. While he was ordering I told the server what kind of sides Jason wanted and after the server left, Jason said he was cool, he could order for himself. Now this is one of those things i cant help doing sometimes. He drives him crazy!! I'm not sure if its just a guy thing, macho man can order for himself, or what. But anyway, I was a little offended he snapped at me over something so silly. Well guess what, I couldn't hold my tongue about it or how it made me feel. You would think i would have learned by now, that getting smart with him is never the way to solve things, but in the heat of the moment I lost my cool. Afterwards I tried to make it up by making conversation, which helped, but you could tell there was still a little tension.
We finished dinner, peacefully, and went to the movie. However before we left the restaurant, I downed my second glass of wine. BAD IDEA! Wine makes me silly and a little weepy. By the time we got to the movies i was in tears telling him how i was putting forth all this effort and he wasn't putting forth any. I stomped into the movies by myself and ordered, another, glass of wine. (silly silly girl) I text him and told him if he cared at all for me he would come in, which he did. We ordered popcorn and watched the movie, which sucked, I don't recommend seeing He's Just Not That Into You. On the way home i pouted the whole time, while he was rubbing my leg and trying to make me feel better. We got home and he went in one room and i went into another. That's a pretty long story but i felt the need to tell it.
First lesson is by now i should know not to let my feelings get hurt so easy, he usually doesn't mean to hurt them in the first place. Second, STAY AWAY FROM THE WINE, just about every time I drink it i end up in tears (or with a severe headache). Third, sulking is never the way to turn the situation around. It only makes it worse.
So the next morning i got up and went and layed on top of him. This is my way of saying sorry. He accepted but was feeling really sick and stayed in bed the whole day, while I went out with the kids. I didn't really get to make it up to him because after he dropped the kids off he went straight to bed. Poor boy has the flu or something.
I accomplished my dare on Friday but then on Saturday reverted back to all my old ways. Then had to spend all day Sunday trying to make up and get his forgiveness. Which he readily gave. But all because i couldn't keep my mouth closed. Hopefully lesson learned.

Now onto the next dare.

Lesson 3:
Love is not Selfish

The Dare:
Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today"

I already have things in mind for this, but ill tell you about them tomorrow since this is already so long!!

Love Dare # 2

First let me start by commenting on the last dare. It took me two days to accomplish it! Dance class was fun, but if anyone reading this knows Jason, then you know what kind of mouth he has on him!!! He was just joking but he was saying dancing is stupid. Now i KNOW he was just joking (and he secretly likes to dance;-), but i have had TONS of practice giving him smart remarks right back when he says these kinds of things, NOT GOOD!!! So the first day was difficult to say the least!!! There were so many times he would say something and i couldnt stop myself before a smart answer came out! But after a day I started to get the hang of it! He even asked me what my next dare is (he is really enjoying this!!) I told him i couldnt move on to the next one until i had 100% completed the first one and check it off! So last night we went out and I did great! Every time i had a negative thought or comment I kept it to myself! I didnt really want to be out in the first place and i even told him so, but not in the nasty way, like i normally would, I just told him i wanted to get to bed at a decent time. He noticed i was getting tired and after about an hour and a half suggested we leave!!! I was amazed!! He is picking up the POSITIVE vibes instead of the negatives ones and i noticed it changed the way he was interacting with ME!! This is encouraging! Even if jason doesnt read the book its exciting to think i can help change our relationship for the better just by changing me!!! Not changing who i am, but changing my negative attitude!

Now, onto the second dare!

Lesson 2:
Love is kind

The Dare:
In addition to saying nothing negative, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.


I know, this sounds really easy right? but I have no idea what to do!!! Last night i made him his favorate dinner (cashew chicken) so now im stumped!!! We also get the kids tonight and ususally dont do much. Ill have to think about this one really hard! Wish me luck

The Love Dare

Well I got the Love Dare book today. Its this book I keep hearing about! Even people at work are talking about it! Its supposed to help your marriage, while me and jason are not married yet, i would really like to start our marriage off on the right foot. We are both very hard headed and stubborn sometimes. And when two people are like that, it makes it difficult to always get along. Soooo Im really excited about this book! I know its going to be hard but I am going to try to do every task the book gives me! I'm going to post on here what that task is and my progress!

Lesson 1:
Love is patient.
The Dare:
For the next day resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all


*Its funny that this is the first challenge and this is probably the hardest for me. This is supposed to start out easy and already I am catching myself WANTING to say negative things. Thanfully both me and jason are at work and are only communicating via text or email. This is giving me the time i need to think about what i am going to say BEFORE i say it! We have a dance class tonight so we will see how it goes and i will post again tomorrow!!!